Yesterday driving through our little town where there is a church of some kind about on every other street corner my heart broke knowing
I couldn’t go back in them with a clear conscience nor would I be welcome unless I was content playing the role of a hypocrite turning a blind eye to what GOD has so clearly shown me. I cannot unsee nor do I want to as painful as it is.
It is as you say.
When the institution is all we have ever known it is for some harder to let go! BUT in GOD’S timing!
Brother, Do you like me hear GOD’S Voice crying out much louder than ever before
come out of her, MY people…
Love you praying for all GOD’S CHILDREN praying for those still lost to be found🙏❤️😘
Thank you for sharing this so honestly. I can hear both the pain and the clarity in what you wrote.
That moment when you realize you can’t “unsee” something is a hard one. It carries grief, but it also carries integrity. Wanting to walk in truth, even when it costs you familiar places, is not hypocrisy — it’s faithfulness.
I’m especially grateful for the way you keep anchoring this in God’s timing. Letting go doesn’t happen all at once, and it doesn’t have to be rushed. God is gentle with His children, even when the path forward feels uncertain or lonely.
Thank you for your prayers and your love for others. Hold fast to Jesus, keep listening, and keep walking in the light you’ve been given — one step at a time.
Hello Bo. I'm putting together thoughts from various sources and thought you might appreciate the below that I compiled. It's from my reading on Catholic ancient thought (I am Catholic), combined with my reading of cults, abusive relationships and the therapist Dr Peter Malinoski's work on personality disorders and internal family systems. I think it might correlate with what you are trying to say in your article.
A major red flag of a cult /cultish spousal relationship is when spiritual formation is emphasized and advocated for at the expense of human formation. Human formation can be knowing and accepting oneself, meaningfully maintaining a good relationship with oneself, with God, with one’s own family of origin and other historically important people in one’s life. Emphasizing acts of piety without developing basic human psychology can lead to disorder and empty spirituality, lately colloquially referred to as virtue signaling. Churches seem to have been doing this for the past several decades, thus hollowing themselves out of people who actually grow and care. Cults and cultish relationships prefer to focus on a target’s spiritual formation so as to prevent the human formation of an autonomous, aware, clear-thinking, well-grounded and well-connected person who might resist the cult/cultish spousal demands. Cults and cultish relationships prefer targets who are not well connected to themselves or to their family of origin so that they can be more easily manipulated for the cult/abusive spouse’s desires.
This is really interesting — and honestly, it’s an area I’ve never studied directly before. The way you’re drawing connections between human formation, spiritual formation, and coercive dynamics gives me a new set of lenses to think with.
I appreciate you sharing it in such a careful, non-reductive way. It feels like it overlaps with what I’m circling, but from a direction I haven’t explored, and that’s genuinely helpful. Thanks for taking the time to put this together and add it to the conversation.
Thank you for your kind response. If you are interested in learning more, I found out Dr Malinowski talks about human formation in this episode (episode 63 of the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics). Just because it's titled for Catholics does not mean there are not insights for anyone. Dr Malinowski was an expert in assessing personality disorders for decades, has worked in breaking cults in churches and also now works in "parts" theory. I find his work is flushing out the more basic advice that abuse hotlines are stuck at -- not just running away from abuse but figuring out how to help people be stronger to be able to immediately recognize and resist abuse.
Dr Malinowski is going off of Pope John Paul II's 1992 Apostolic Exhortation, Pastores Dabo Vobis - Chapter 5 of that letter, where the Pope explains human foundation must come first for priests, or else they will be disorderedly putting empty spiritual formation first which can be not only disordered but dangerous as we know in abuse circles.
I think the combination of human formation emphasis (Dr Peter Malinowski "interior Integration" podcast, Dr Greg Bottaro "Being Human" podcast), plus cult exit work (International Cultic Studies Association website is amazing and very informative for any cult or cultish relationship like abuse - Dr Peter is also a part of ICSA) plus the work of Evan Stark on coercive control (minus Stark's patriarchy blame -- I believe, as a woman, that all humans have the sin of wanting to control it's not just a man problem; we learned this in Garden of Eden and all through the Bible), plus Bill Eddy's work on High-Conflict People ("Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" about knowing personality disorders exist). Anyway, combining these four things might be a key to helping abuse victims /potential victims become strong enough in themselves and aware enough of abuse /manipulation tactics to not only walk away from abuse but to root it out of our churches. The wider public needs to recognize these things and stop them. THEN we can start deeper spiritual formation - when we can come in safety with our entire selves.
What do you think? I really want to break this too -- God and the church is too important to do nothing when abusers thrive in it. I'm working hard behind the scenes at my diocese to get this knowledge out there again. I think people used to know in their gut, but something about bubble-lives and cutting ties with wise elders has us starting at the beginning again.
I, for one, greatly appreciate the windows to your personal experiences. I’ve had my own, but they pale in comparison. Yours lift the veil on how deeply the brick church is fractured. In my view, any 501(c)3 church has better than average odds of exhibiting similar behavior.
Your section on the Table and Unity is excellent. I hope others read and re-read it because what you describe is badly needed today, where not only do we have the institutional church dividing us, but there’s an ever-increasing divergence in doctrinal, eschatological, and soteriological views. The table unity you describe is the only way we can engage in respectful dialogue with the confidence and security of knowing that secondary issues do not have to divide us. It’s our path to becoming the true body of Christ.
I’m glad the personal pieces have been helpful. I’ve wrestled with whether to include them, but in the end it felt dishonest not to. These things aren’t abstract; they land in real lives and real relationships.
I agree with you about the table. What struck me as I was writing that section is how much confidence and security come from shared life rather than shared precision. When people actually know one another, secondary differences don’t disappear, but they also don’t have to become fault lines. You can disagree without feeling threatened.
And yes, once unity is outsourced to structure, statements, or legal status, it gets brittle fast. The table creates a different kind of unity — slower, humbler, and more resilient — because it’s grounded in presence, not enforcement.
I really appreciate the way you articulated that. Thanks for reading and for adding to the conversation in such a thoughtful way.
In the spirit of encouragement down the road, your personal experiences lend credibility and context. As a reader, those two things matter quite a bit. You put it well…real lives, real relationships.
The scary thing about unity is what has unfolded with MAGA control of the diverse Evangelical movement. A fractured church has been unified for political gain. The Romans did the same thing. If we can keep empire out of the pews, unity could be wonderful. If Spirit led the faith, there would be unity.
So the wise virgins within the holy-theocratic body of Christ’s Bride are daily drawn together for holy spiritual communion at the Lamb’s Passover table. Not as a sacred object of Lucifer’s lukewarm Universal Laodicean democracy. As a place of wisely discerning one another’s spiritual gift’s. Knowing and being known by the theocratic mind of Christ’s indwelling Spirit of Truth. The virgins in Christ’s holy Bride can observe this: The Passover table makes sanctifying division evident via Christ’s powerful, sharp, 2-edged sWord that commanded Judas, the unworthy foolish partaker of the sacred bread and wine (the Devil’s son of perdition), to quickly depart and fulfill his father’s foreordained demonic will. The Bride’s holy-theocratic unity is displayed through the sanctifying loving presence of the Bridegroom’s Spirit of Truth that manifests like-minded loving relationship. It requires intimate knowing and being known. Because many carnal-minded foolish virgins, with empty oil-lamps, unworthily eat at the Bridegroom’s sacred table, and therefore suffer the deadly malignant plagues of His judicial wrath. The holy-theocratic relationship within Christ’s corporate body eliminates unholy agreement with democracy’s carnal-minded of foolish virgins. The Bridegroom’s holy presence matters more at the Passover table than the sanctifying doctrine of His truthful Word??
I just love GOD and HIS timing!!!
Yesterday driving through our little town where there is a church of some kind about on every other street corner my heart broke knowing
I couldn’t go back in them with a clear conscience nor would I be welcome unless I was content playing the role of a hypocrite turning a blind eye to what GOD has so clearly shown me. I cannot unsee nor do I want to as painful as it is.
It is as you say.
When the institution is all we have ever known it is for some harder to let go! BUT in GOD’S timing!
Brother, Do you like me hear GOD’S Voice crying out much louder than ever before
come out of her, MY people…
Love you praying for all GOD’S CHILDREN praying for those still lost to be found🙏❤️😘
MARANATHA
Thank you for sharing this so honestly. I can hear both the pain and the clarity in what you wrote.
That moment when you realize you can’t “unsee” something is a hard one. It carries grief, but it also carries integrity. Wanting to walk in truth, even when it costs you familiar places, is not hypocrisy — it’s faithfulness.
I’m especially grateful for the way you keep anchoring this in God’s timing. Letting go doesn’t happen all at once, and it doesn’t have to be rushed. God is gentle with His children, even when the path forward feels uncertain or lonely.
Thank you for your prayers and your love for others. Hold fast to Jesus, keep listening, and keep walking in the light you’ve been given — one step at a time.
Grace and peace to you, dear sister.
Yes, "come out of her my people"! Thank the Lord!
https://substack.com/@kayanneriley483280/note/c-198306935?r=h1bh8&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
AMEN AMEN AMEN🙏❤️😘
Hello Bo. I'm putting together thoughts from various sources and thought you might appreciate the below that I compiled. It's from my reading on Catholic ancient thought (I am Catholic), combined with my reading of cults, abusive relationships and the therapist Dr Peter Malinoski's work on personality disorders and internal family systems. I think it might correlate with what you are trying to say in your article.
A major red flag of a cult /cultish spousal relationship is when spiritual formation is emphasized and advocated for at the expense of human formation. Human formation can be knowing and accepting oneself, meaningfully maintaining a good relationship with oneself, with God, with one’s own family of origin and other historically important people in one’s life. Emphasizing acts of piety without developing basic human psychology can lead to disorder and empty spirituality, lately colloquially referred to as virtue signaling. Churches seem to have been doing this for the past several decades, thus hollowing themselves out of people who actually grow and care. Cults and cultish relationships prefer to focus on a target’s spiritual formation so as to prevent the human formation of an autonomous, aware, clear-thinking, well-grounded and well-connected person who might resist the cult/cultish spousal demands. Cults and cultish relationships prefer targets who are not well connected to themselves or to their family of origin so that they can be more easily manipulated for the cult/abusive spouse’s desires.
This is really interesting — and honestly, it’s an area I’ve never studied directly before. The way you’re drawing connections between human formation, spiritual formation, and coercive dynamics gives me a new set of lenses to think with.
I appreciate you sharing it in such a careful, non-reductive way. It feels like it overlaps with what I’m circling, but from a direction I haven’t explored, and that’s genuinely helpful. Thanks for taking the time to put this together and add it to the conversation.
Thank you for your kind response. If you are interested in learning more, I found out Dr Malinowski talks about human formation in this episode (episode 63 of the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics). Just because it's titled for Catholics does not mean there are not insights for anyone. Dr Malinowski was an expert in assessing personality disorders for decades, has worked in breaking cults in churches and also now works in "parts" theory. I find his work is flushing out the more basic advice that abuse hotlines are stuck at -- not just running away from abuse but figuring out how to help people be stronger to be able to immediately recognize and resist abuse.
Dr Malinowski is going off of Pope John Paul II's 1992 Apostolic Exhortation, Pastores Dabo Vobis - Chapter 5 of that letter, where the Pope explains human foundation must come first for priests, or else they will be disorderedly putting empty spiritual formation first which can be not only disordered but dangerous as we know in abuse circles.
I think the combination of human formation emphasis (Dr Peter Malinowski "interior Integration" podcast, Dr Greg Bottaro "Being Human" podcast), plus cult exit work (International Cultic Studies Association website is amazing and very informative for any cult or cultish relationship like abuse - Dr Peter is also a part of ICSA) plus the work of Evan Stark on coercive control (minus Stark's patriarchy blame -- I believe, as a woman, that all humans have the sin of wanting to control it's not just a man problem; we learned this in Garden of Eden and all through the Bible), plus Bill Eddy's work on High-Conflict People ("Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" about knowing personality disorders exist). Anyway, combining these four things might be a key to helping abuse victims /potential victims become strong enough in themselves and aware enough of abuse /manipulation tactics to not only walk away from abuse but to root it out of our churches. The wider public needs to recognize these things and stop them. THEN we can start deeper spiritual formation - when we can come in safety with our entire selves.
What do you think? I really want to break this too -- God and the church is too important to do nothing when abusers thrive in it. I'm working hard behind the scenes at my diocese to get this knowledge out there again. I think people used to know in their gut, but something about bubble-lives and cutting ties with wise elders has us starting at the beginning again.
https://castbox.fm/episode/63-Human-Formation%3A-The-Critical-Missing-Element-id2707543-id372593698?country=us
https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_25031992_pastores-dabo-vobis.html
I, for one, greatly appreciate the windows to your personal experiences. I’ve had my own, but they pale in comparison. Yours lift the veil on how deeply the brick church is fractured. In my view, any 501(c)3 church has better than average odds of exhibiting similar behavior.
Your section on the Table and Unity is excellent. I hope others read and re-read it because what you describe is badly needed today, where not only do we have the institutional church dividing us, but there’s an ever-increasing divergence in doctrinal, eschatological, and soteriological views. The table unity you describe is the only way we can engage in respectful dialogue with the confidence and security of knowing that secondary issues do not have to divide us. It’s our path to becoming the true body of Christ.
Thank you — that really means a lot.
I’m glad the personal pieces have been helpful. I’ve wrestled with whether to include them, but in the end it felt dishonest not to. These things aren’t abstract; they land in real lives and real relationships.
I agree with you about the table. What struck me as I was writing that section is how much confidence and security come from shared life rather than shared precision. When people actually know one another, secondary differences don’t disappear, but they also don’t have to become fault lines. You can disagree without feeling threatened.
And yes, once unity is outsourced to structure, statements, or legal status, it gets brittle fast. The table creates a different kind of unity — slower, humbler, and more resilient — because it’s grounded in presence, not enforcement.
I really appreciate the way you articulated that. Thanks for reading and for adding to the conversation in such a thoughtful way.
In the spirit of encouragement down the road, your personal experiences lend credibility and context. As a reader, those two things matter quite a bit. You put it well…real lives, real relationships.
Amazing stuff, brother!
The scary thing about unity is what has unfolded with MAGA control of the diverse Evangelical movement. A fractured church has been unified for political gain. The Romans did the same thing. If we can keep empire out of the pews, unity could be wonderful. If Spirit led the faith, there would be unity.
https://substack.com/@kayanneriley483280/note/c-198306935?r=h1bh8&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
So the wise virgins within the holy-theocratic body of Christ’s Bride are daily drawn together for holy spiritual communion at the Lamb’s Passover table. Not as a sacred object of Lucifer’s lukewarm Universal Laodicean democracy. As a place of wisely discerning one another’s spiritual gift’s. Knowing and being known by the theocratic mind of Christ’s indwelling Spirit of Truth. The virgins in Christ’s holy Bride can observe this: The Passover table makes sanctifying division evident via Christ’s powerful, sharp, 2-edged sWord that commanded Judas, the unworthy foolish partaker of the sacred bread and wine (the Devil’s son of perdition), to quickly depart and fulfill his father’s foreordained demonic will. The Bride’s holy-theocratic unity is displayed through the sanctifying loving presence of the Bridegroom’s Spirit of Truth that manifests like-minded loving relationship. It requires intimate knowing and being known. Because many carnal-minded foolish virgins, with empty oil-lamps, unworthily eat at the Bridegroom’s sacred table, and therefore suffer the deadly malignant plagues of His judicial wrath. The holy-theocratic relationship within Christ’s corporate body eliminates unholy agreement with democracy’s carnal-minded of foolish virgins. The Bridegroom’s holy presence matters more at the Passover table than the sanctifying doctrine of His truthful Word??